the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
