Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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