Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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