I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
