Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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