This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
