people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
