Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize