you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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