You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
