i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
