atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
