Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize