so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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