i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
