biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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