i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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