So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
