Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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