What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
