Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Let's get the cat blown out
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
