dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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