you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
