the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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