god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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