If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize