Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
