she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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