Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
