i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
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