She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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