Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
