I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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