i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
