it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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