I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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