Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
