Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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