Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Who died my cat blue again?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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