It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
where does the pee come out of this thing
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my being single is dangerous.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
