Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I deserve this hangover.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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