U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
