I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
