Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
