I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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