i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
