And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
