We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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