he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
