honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize