My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
