I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
