Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
