i already hear my dad disowning me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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