I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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