Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
