You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
