Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
