just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
