I want to make a zoo with you.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
