I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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