so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
