I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
