ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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